THE RETIREMENT PLAN: Ultimate Statement Hoodie
THE RETIREMENT PLAN: Ultimate Statement Hoodie
FINAL DROP: Only 15 pieces remaining for guaranteed Christmas delivery
22% OFF CODE : New Price—$49.92 after Discount!
30-DAY SURVIVAL GUARANTEE (Full Refund + We Cover Return Shipping)
You are not paying for a hoodie, you are paying for proof: Click the Menu above to see why we guarantee the quality.
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QUICK BENEFITS (Focus on Dream Outcome: Status and Rebellion)
5-Point Narrative Print: Unique, high-definition design across the chest, back, and sleeves for maximum storytelling impact (The ultimate conversation starter).
Supreme Comfort Blend: Crafted from premium 80% Cotton / 20% Anti-Pill Polyester Fleece—quality engineered for year-round rebellion.
Guaranteed Statement: Backed by our Extreme 30-Day Risk-Free Trial. We eliminate your risk completely.
Hidden Lore Detail: Features exclusive, deep-lore messaging revealed only upon wearing the hoodie—a true insider secret that elevates your status.
The "Naughty List" Guarantee: A 30-Day Risk-Free Trial
-"We are so confident in the premium quality, stitching, and custom print of this hoodie that we offer a no-questions-asked 30-day return window. If you don't feel it makes the statement you intended, send it back for a full refund. You shouldn't have to risk your money to find the perfect anti-holiday statement."
THE DEEP DIVE: WHY THIS HOODIE IS THE ONLY OPTION
The holidays are overrated. If your idea of 'cheer' involves cynicism and skipping mandatory family gatherings, this hoodie is your official uniform. This design is engineered as a complex 5-point print storyline that rewards the true niche fan :
Back : Sleigh Crash/Deferred Payment . The core statement: PAYMENT DEFERRED: NEXT UNIVERSE. The largest print, signaling total chaos and anti-commercialism.
Sleeve (LEFT): "Naughty List? That's My Retirement Plan.". A sharp, black-comedy quote reinforcing the rebellious attitude.
Front: "I ONLY BELIEVE IN ONE SANTA...and he carries a hook." This specific, niche reference—anchored by the hook and chain visual —establishes immediate insider belonging.
Hood/Side Panel (The Hidden Lore Drop): A subtle, deep-lore message printed in an unexpected location, rewarding the true, dedicated fan. This final piece of the storyline is revealed only when the hoodie is unboxed—a true collector's surprise.
Size guide
| LENGTH (inches) | CHEST (inches) | |
| S | 29 ½ | 34-37 |
| M | 30 ½ | 38-41 |
| L | 31 ½ | 42-45 |
| XL | 32 ½ | 46-49 |
| 2XL | 33 ½ | 50-53 |
| LENGTH (cm) | CHEST (cm) | |
| S | 75 | 86.4-94 |
| M | 77.5 | 96.5-104.1 |
| L | 80 | 106.7-114.3 |
| XL | 82.6 | 116.8-124.5 |
| 2XL | 85 | 127-134.6 |
MAINTENANCE OF BELLA CANVAS 3512
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FAQS
Is this hoodie warm enough for winter?
The hoodie is made from a premium cotton–poly fleece blend engineered for cold weather. It’s soft on the inside, holds heat effectively, and is perfect for layering or wearing solo during chilly winter days and nights.
Is the fabric soft or does it feel stiff?
This hoodie is crafted on the softness side of the scale—not overly thick or scratchy like standard holiday merch. It has a smooth, cozy fleece interior designed for comfort, daily wear, and long hours of lounging, traveling, or holiday gatherings.
Will the print crack or fade after washing?
We use high-definition direct-to-garment printing that bonds directly to the fibers. As long as it’s washed inside-out on cold (as recommended), the art remains vibrant and intact — story preserved for years.
Is it true there are hidden printed details?
Yes. This hoodie contains exclusive storytelling elements printed in subtle zones (like inside the neck). These details are intentionally placed to be discovered by you or those closest to you — enhancing emotional connection and status.
Will the tag bother me?
No. It includes a tear-away tag, so you get zero irritation and maximum comfort. This also allows for clean internal storytelling placement or your own private label.
Is this a limited edition drop?
Yes. Once this story run is finished, it will never be reprinted. Each hoodie is part of a limited narrative collection — meaning when you wear it, you’re part of something exclusive.
What if it doesn’t feel special when I wear it?
You’re covered by our Homecoming Guarantee. Wear it for 30 days. If it doesn’t deliver on comfort, story impact, or emotional connection — return it for a full refund. No risk. No hesitation.
Can I gift this hoodie?
Absolutely. In fact, due to its narrative nature, it’s one of the most meaningful winter gifts you can give. Each hoodie ships with the story embedded into the design — making it a gift with emotional depth instead of generic holiday flair.